Long-term relationships are often what most of us desire, but the reality is that we often underestimate the effort that is needed to maintain that spark for years. Humanity history suggest that long-term, monogamous relationships are a recent invention. Thus, it is why we struggle so much with such relationships – we are experiencing the growing pains of a new form of intimacy. But you and your partner can rekindle that love if you feel it fading.
Here is how:
Focus on their positives
Living with one person for a long time means that inevitably, the familiarity means that you are going to develop some negative thoughts about them. Remember the phrase, ‘familiarity breeds contempt’? well, it applies here.
So, you will become overly critical of your partner, jump into catastrophic conclusions about every action they do that you don’t like and make assumptions about many things.
To rekindle the love, focus instead on what made you love them in the first place. Be intentional in dwelling on your partner’s positive qualities and behaviors so that you continue to appreciate them for what you loved at the start.
Manage expectations of each other
Sure, your partner should know you in and out, but the truth of the matter is, even we do not know ourselves wholly. Therefore, manage your expectations on what you want or need your partner to do for you. As long as they put in effort to appreciate, care and look out for you, they are worth the effort to rekindle the love that you shared early on in the relationship.
Look for common interests
After years together, it is easy for each of you to drift into your own world and do your own thing. This is not a bad thing. In fact, each of you keeping some of your hobbies is crucial in the long-term, but becoming too isolated can result in both of you drifting apart.
Thus, take time to come together and find common interests and hobbies. Come together and try new things, new hobbies. This will help you discover new joys of being around each other and help you bond better.
But, if attempts to rekindle the love don’t have the desired effect, it is still okay to call it quits and each of you to go your way and find other people.